Transparency is Powerful! I feel like...

Before I start posting some of the daily devotionals, I am going to be very transparent with you! I have wrestled with posting this in the blog, however, transparency is powerful and can be a beautiful thing! If it will help you, then my transparency is worth it. Being transparent helps me. I feel better when I allow myself to have a human moment or share a "mom" moment with another friend. I have said it before and I will continue to say it. I am not perfect! I am blessed! However, I am human. I have not so great moments. I face difficult situations in life. Daily decisions and tasks can get the very best of me. For example, what do you see in this picture of me and my girl?

My girl and I making banana bread. Taken by Beau Manasco in November 2018.

At first glance, you may see smiles and happiness. You may see a sweet mommy and daughter moment of memories in the making. You may see a little mess while in the process of making banana bread. What you may not see are the tears that were flooding down my face because I was so overwhelmed with the day. You will not see that my husband was in front of the camera telling me that everything was going to be okay. He was telling me to smile and enjoy the little piece of time with my girl. Instead, I was fighting myself. I was having a moment and it was not glamorous. However, it was very real! It was not a moment of me thinking I am making memories with my daughter. It was me thinking that I am trying to do something nice and everything just keeps messing up. The mess of life was all around me. The dirty dishes in the background got to me. Papers, homework, bills, calendars, laundry, and to do lists were all staring me in the face. Instead of seeing the smile of my sweet girl, taking in the moment with her, and listening to her giggles; I could only see the negativity. I could only focus on what was overwhelming/bothering me. I felt so bad! I thought to myself "What is wrong with me?" Lately, I have been very overwhelmed with life. I have been feeling down, depressed, and just plain sad. I have questioned a lot of things lately. I have let things get to me that probably should not get to me. I have let the actions and words of others dictate my feelings and my actions. I have not handled situations properly. I have not said the right things! I have taken my frustrations out on my family. I have felt like the biggest hypocrite, failure, and fraud. Here I am claiming to be a christian, writing a 30 day devotional and blog and it seems the closer it gets to being printed for the public, the harder that I am fighting things in life. I am constantly having to remind myself that the Lord sees all, knows all, and he is working on it all. He knows exactly where I am. He knows the intent of my heart. He sees the sacrifice! He is not blind or mute to my issues. Not only is he just working on it, but he is working on it for my good (what is best for me). I am having to meditate on scriptures to control the thoughts the enemy is trying to plant in my head and heart. These overwhelming feelings of defeat are just a tactic of the enemy to get me off track and distracted from what God has led to me do. I have to pray and put on the whole armor of God daily. Ephesians 6:10-12 tell me "Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." I need to put on the breastplate of righteousness to guard my heart. I do not need anything that is not of God in my heart! My flesh and my heart fail me! I need to put on the helmet of salvation to guard my mind. I do not need negativity dwelling in my mind. I need to think on things that are good and of good report. I need to walk in the shoes of peace. I need to put on the belt of truth. I do not want to be deceived by the ways of the world. I need to carry the sword of the spirit (the Word of God) and the shield of faith so that I can stand the fiery darts that the enemy throws at me. These thoughts are darts! I am in a battle daily! I have to fight daily with scripture! Revelation 12:11 tells me that I am an overcomer by the blood of the lamb and the words of my testimony! Transparency is powerful and can be a beautiful thing! When I feel like a failure, I admit that I fail daily. I am not perfect! I am blessed. Psalm 73:26 reads "My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever." When I feel needy, I admit that I need God. I need him every second of every day in every detail and decision. Psalm 70:5 reads "But I am poor and needy: make haste unto me, O God: thou art my help and my deliverer; O Lord, make no tarrying." When I feel like down and out, I read Psalm 71:21 "Thou shalt increase my greatness, and comfort me on every side." I am nothing without God. He is my source! He is my strength! I remind myself that the Lord loves me. I am the apple of his eye! Psalm 17:8 reads " Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings." The Lord is my umbrella! He protects me from the elements. He would not allow something bad to happen to me or my family without something good coming from it. Psalm 91:4 reads "He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler. I have to remind myself daily that his ways are not my ways. His ways are better than my ways. He has a plan! He is mindful of me when I am not always mindful of him. Jeremiah 29:11 says " For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected." I have to trust him! I have to allow him to work! I have to be patient with myself. I am a working progress, but I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14 reads "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." I am okay to not be okay. I am not meant to be perfect! I am designed to need God and I do! I need the Lord every second of every day! I need him as a woman, wife, mom, daughter, friend, co-worker, etc. To all of my family, friends, co-workers, I am trying! I am trying to do what God has called me to do and be who God has called me to be. To my Beau and my babies, I may fail the Lord, myself, and you; however, Mama's Trying! To all the readers and anyone who is struggling with imperfections and the chaos of life, meditate on the Word of God. Pray always! Keep trying.

Quote: No one has failed who keeps trying and keeps praying. - Jeffrey R. Holland