I am a mom of a preteen. I am a mom of a preteen. It is starting to sink in. I am a mom of a preteen boy, a boy who is almost a teenager, a boy that is taller and stronger than me, a boy who is turning into a man, and a boy who is becoming more independent letting me know daily that he does not need me as much as I want him to need me. I have a hard time accepting this! I am in uncharted territory. I do not know what I am doing. I am doing my best, however, it does not always feel right. I am struggling with him growing up! Time has just went by too fast! I have been thinking about when he was a baby. I have a hard time remembering in all honesty. I have few memories of him as a baby and I spent the most time with him at home. Is that not just the craziest thing? I did not work the first 6 months of his life. He did not start daycare until he was 1 year old. He was with me the most and I have the least amount of memories. Why is that? It may be because he was just born smart, coordinated, strong willed, independent,and has excelled at every age in life. He started teething around 4 months, crawled at 6 months, and walked at 11 months. He was riding a bicycle without training wheels at 3 years old. He has had so many opportunities in his little short life span. He is unique. He is special! Not just to me, but others. In 3rd grade, he was nominated for the Parish Art Program and was accepted. It has been such a huge honor. He has been running the lights and involved with webcast at church for some time now. He does a phenomenal job for such a young person. He is interested in a lot of different things. He is funny, athletic, intelligent, strong, and creative. He is so much like his daddy. He can do anything he puts his mind to. He has big goals and wild dreams. He has a lot of ambition for such a young man. It is scary for this mom. Him growing up is intimidating for me. I am terrified that I am going to do something wrong that will affect his life forever. Am I doing enough to mold/shape him? Do I encourage him? Do I impart wisdom? Do I lead by example? Am I too hard on him? Do I expect too much out of him? Questions and fears run through my mind daily. I have fears with each of my kids, however, it hits me the most with my preteen. Is it just me? My husband says it is because we are too much alike. That may be the case. He does look like my twin, so it would make sense that he would also be like me in some ways. We are both stubborn and strong willed. We both like to be in control. We are both the first born. It just comes with the territory of being the first born! Being in control leads me to the point of this blog. Parenting a preteen is very difficult. There are good days and there are bad days. It seems as if the bad days outweigh the good days. I do not feel like I am in control most days. I feel like I am on a roller coaster ride and cannot get off! I have called my mom several times asking for prayer and direction. She laughs at most of my stories and just tells me that it is all part of growing up. I somehow do not seem to remember all of my issues! I tell myself that it may be apart of growing up, however, it is not okay. I am not okay with this! Now, I will admit that I am a strict mom. I hold my kids to a high standard. I desire the best for them! I push them to be their best and do their best. I am involved in as much as their life as possible. I am what is considered a "helicopter mom". I do not let them get too far from me. I desire for my kids, especially my preteen, to make good and Godly decisions even though the culture and world around him may not. I expect him to be respectful and kind, not sassy. I would rather him not play video games, yet he does. It would be heavenly if him and his siblings could get a long for even a day, yet they fuss and terrorize one another. A few Sundays back, we had baby/child dedication at church. Dedication Sunday always touches my heart because it focuses on the family unit. Pastor hit parenting hard that Sunday. It was so good. He talked about biblical parenting. What will we compromise? He talked about how what one generation accepts, the next generation will embrace. That really hit home with me. I realized that parenting is a battle. Parenting a preteen is a battle. I am going to have to fight some battles within myself, my child,and my home. Which battles will I compromise on? There are somethings that cannot be compromised. Some things are worth fighting for and cannot be compromised like morality, character, virtue, salvation, integrity, etc. Psalms 1:1-6 says "Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper. The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth way. Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous. For the Lord knoweth the way of the righteous: but the way of the ungodly shall perish." During one of our bad days, my preteen expressed that he felt that he had no control over his life. He continued to let his dad and I know that this was one of the reasons he had acted out. He needed some control or he needed to feel he was in some control. He said that his dad and I did not allow him to make enough decisions on his own. Remember, he is independent! He thinks he is grown. So, as hard as this was to hear, I really thought of ways that I could allow him to make more decisions in this phase of life.
He did not like what I had picked out for church so I allowed him to pick out his own clothes, within reason. He liked that! As we were getting ready for church, he came and asked me what shoes he should wear? I suggested to him that he could wear his slips-ons instead of his dress shoes. My husband told me that he had the biggest smile on his face when he left the room. I had just made his day. Me allowing him to pick out shoes and clothes for church made his day. They did not exactly match but I did not say anything. It made him smile, which is harder to do these days. So, it got me to thinking? I compromised so that he could feel some sort of control. It changed the tone of our home instead of having a tantrum and fight before church. What could have turned into a not so good day was actually a good day just because of me picking the right battle. Now, did I compromise his character? No. Did I compromise his salvation? No. I compromised his shoe choice. It seems like nothing, but it was a big deal for both of us. It opened my eyes to some things and it helped him to feel like he was in control of that moment. My prayer and reminder since then has been to pick my battles. I will tell you that I have not been successful each day. Things do not always go how I think they will go. I realize that I am in a battle and that I will continue to fight battles in this season of life, however, there are some things that I can compromise and some that I cannot. Again, what one generation compromises, the next generation accepts, then the next generation embraces. I am going to have to stay on my face before God to make sure that I am raising my child the right way and picking the right battles so that there can be smiles. I am going to have to be more intentional, to try and not provoke my children to wrath as in Ephesians 6:4 "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." I am going to have to do my best to impart wisdom, speak life, and be encouraging. My words and actions are powerful! Proverbs 18:21 reminds us "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof." You may not be facing raising a preteen as I am. You may be a new mom. You may be sleep deprived and exhausted. Pick your battles! Start early! Decide what you will compromise and what you will not compromise. Find you a mentor mom that can impart wisdom during this season of life. You may be a mom who has raised her children and is now experiencing the joys of grandchildren. Be the mentor for us parents who are raising these teenagers, preteens, and babies. Impart wisdom! Encourage! Parenting is tough, especially this day in age. We need you! Our job as parents is never done. It just continues into the next season and generation. I am a mom of preteen. I am a mom of a preteen. My boy is growing up and though he may not understand or agree with all of my words and actions, I am his mom and I claim Let There Be Smiles.
Quote:
A smile takes but a moment, but the memory of it lasts forever. - 365 Greetings
Don't compromise your convictions for your convenience. -unknown
Prayer:
Let there be smiles Lord. Let there be more smiles than frowns on our faces. Help us to speak life, encourage, and impart wisdom for the next generation. Help us to use gentle words one to another. Help us to pick the right battles. Help us to not compromise on things that have an everlasting and eternal affect for our children. Give us wisdom in raising our children. Help us to live in unity with our families. Help us to have joy in our homes. Help us to do better, to be better, for your kingdom and coming. Help us to lead and live by example. Help us to be more intentional with our words and actions. Help us to not provoke our children to wrath. Teach us your ways Lord. Open our eyes to your Word so that we can apply what you say to our lives. Forgive us for being lack or lazy. Forgive us for choosing convenience over conviction. We need you Lord! I pray against spirits of wickedness, spirits of rebellion, and anything that is not of you in our children. I pray that there would be a hedge of protection around our children. Let your angels encamp around them each day to protect them and watch over them. Be with them as they walk into their schools. Help them to put on the full armor of you each day. Let them put on the helmet of salvation to guard their minds against evil and perverse thoughts, the breastplate of righteousness to guard their hearts from anything that is not of you to enter their hearts. Help them put on the belt of truth so that they will not wonder or waver from you. Let them carry the shield of faith so that they can protect themselves from attacks of the enemy. Help them carry the sword of the spirit, know truth, and remember that you are the light in their darkness. Let them put on the shoes of peace so that they can walk in your ways and be peaceful. You said in Matthew 5:9 "Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God." Help us to be peacemakers. Help us to be intentional to produce smiles. Help us to pick our battles and be victorious in raising children. In Jesus Name!
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